








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 28 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
406 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 971 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 315 | 32% |
| Smokes | 252 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 263 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 141 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $127,662 of utility $106 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 10 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | pain | 52% | 23 |
| #2 | FangZz | 52% | 23 |
| #3 | McDonalds Sprite | 50% | 6 |
| #4 | Bastion™ | 50% | 10 |
| #5 | Kronch ૮₍ ˃ ⤙ ˂ ₎ა | 44% | 27 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | FangZz | 52% | 23 |
| #3 | McDonalds Sprite | 50% | 6 |
| #4 | Bastion™ | 50% | 10 |
| #5 | Kronch ૮₍ ˃ ⤙ ˂ ₎ა | 44% | 27 |
| #6 | Cock | 44% | 48 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cock | 12 | 0.0132 |
| #2 | pain | 2 | 0.0043 |
| #3 | FangZz | 1 | 0.0021 |
| #4 | McDonalds Sprite | 1 | 0.0075 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FangZz | 93 | 0.20 | 2 min |
| #2 | Cock | 82 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #3 | Kronch ૮₍ ˃ ⤙ ˂ ₎ა | 75 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #4 | pain | 74 | 0.16 | 2 min |
| #5 | McDonalds Sprite | 24 | 0.18 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | McDonalds Sprite | +5.43 | 60 | 54 |
| #2 | FangZz | +3.90 | 81 | 52 |
| #3 | Bastion™ | +1.78 | 79 | 50 |
| #4 | Me when Im a large bird | +1.06 | 46 | 48 |
| #5 | pain | -0.37 | 66 | 56 |





