








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1043 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 195 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 26 matches | ||
| Faceit | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 26 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




26 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3693 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,765 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1261 | 22% |
| Smokes | 634 | 11% |
| HE Grenades | 1973 | 34% |
| Molotovs | 1897 | 33% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,358,175 of utility $233 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 923 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Zuse | 53% | 59 |
| #4 | GentleChest | 50% | 20 |
| #5 | Whirlwiind | 47% | 38 |
| #6 | Sleepy | 40% | 55 |
| #7 | Manasi | 33% | 33 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | The Captain | 12 | 0.0044 |
| #2 | Whirlwiind | 2 | 0.0025 |
| #3 | Zuse | 1 | 0.0008 |
| #4 | GentleChest | 1 | 0.0024 |





