








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 568 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 64 matches | ||
| Faceit | 39 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 14 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1501 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,271 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1301 | 25% |
| Smokes | 1392 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 1297 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 1281 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $250,837 of utility $86 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 764 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | B4TKA7A | 86% | 7 |
| #2 | Marcus Aurelius | 78% | 9 |
| #3 | dyami | 71% | 14 |
| #4 | tissue | 71% | 24 |
| #5 | iv4h0 | 69% | 13 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | txny ッ | 63% | 8 |
| #8 | z_- | 57% | 14 |
| #9 | seka4a | 50% | 24 |
| #10 | viqo | 46% | 13 |
| #11 | vaskoplayer | 43% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | tissue | 11 | 0.0214 |
| #2 | seka4a | 4 | 0.0082 |
| #3 | iv4h0 | 3 | 0.0099 |
| #4 | z_- | 3 | 0.0106 |
| #5 | txny ッ | 2 | 0.0114 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | tissue | 124 | 0.24 | 3 min |
| #2 | viqo | 64 | 0.23 | 2 min |
| #3 | z_- | 48 | 0.17 | 1 min |
| #4 | seka4a | 46 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #5 | dyami | 41 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | tissue | +3.78 | 95 | 67 |
| #2 | Marcus Aurelius | +2.49 | 78 | 66 |
| #3 | z_- | +2.30 | 87 | 38 |
| #4 | viqo | +1.86 | 97 | 62 |
| #5 | mstR- | +1.81 | 84 | 62 |





