








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 159 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 102 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 9 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1020 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,071 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 594 | 19% |
| Smokes | 940 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 860 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 677 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $606,279 of utility $207 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 23 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | i1 | 58% | 12 |
| #2 | Bohyna Fortuna | 56% | 18 |
| #3 | P0ttyM0uth | 54% | 46 |
| #4 | patty | 53% | 15 |
| #5 | hobby enjoyer | 53% | 17 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | Harman | 44% | 90 |
| #11 | dejvo | 38% | 8 |
| #12 | šimi | 38% | 8 |
| #13 | SwitchFavy | 37% | 19 |
| #14 | y u m a 鬱病 | 30% | 30 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | _𝖘𝕳𝖆𝕯𝖊_ ツ | 11 | 0.0086 |
| #2 | Harman | 5 | 0.0028 |
| #3 | i1 | 4 | 0.0173 |
| #4 | šimi | 3 | 0.0169 |
| #5 | P0ttyM0uth | 2 | 0.0022 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | _𝖘𝕳𝖆𝕯𝖊_ ツ | 297 | 0.23 | 7 min |
| #2 | P0ttyM0uth | 218 | 0.24 | 7 min |
| #3 | Harman | 110 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #4 | Ⓗⓐⓟⓟⓨⓚⓤⓝⓓⓐ | 102 | 0.17 | 2 min |
| #5 | y u m a 鬱病 | 64 | 0.10 | 2 min |





