










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 0 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.

| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 230 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 18 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




33 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1672 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,628 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 330 | 9% |
| Smokes | 767 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 1738 | 48% |
| Molotovs | 793 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $573,377 of utility $103 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 22 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | JP La Sauce | 50% | 14 |
| #7 | Ghishohir | 49% | 78 |
| #8 | Doc Hudson | 44% | 41 |
| #9 | | 44% | 32 |
| #10 | Fixye23 | 40% | 91 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | gamble | 28 | 0.0191 |
| #2 | Ghishohir | 17 | 0.0104 |
| #3 | Doc Hudson | 16 | 0.0198 |
| #4 | Fixye23 | 10 | 0.0052 |
| #5 | | 3 | 0.0045 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | gamble | 168 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #2 | Fixye23 | 96 | 0.05 | 3 min |
| #3 | Ghishohir | 83 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #4 | | 61 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #5 | imuky | 52 | 0.12 | 1 min |





