








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 381 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 191 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 41 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2422 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,003 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2066 | 23% |
| Smokes | 2328 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 2777 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 1832 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $913,839 of utility $196 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 363 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Albert GehtNICHTreinstein | 60% | 45 |
| #2 | Frytixx | 55% | 101 |
| #3 | wonkru⚡ | 55% | 31 |
| #4 | patimue | 52% | 56 |
| #5 | HW Heinzer | 51% | 84 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Albert GehtNICHTreinstein | 60% | 45 |
| #2 | Frytixx | 55% | 101 |
| #3 | wonkru⚡ | 55% | 31 |
| #4 | patimue | 52% | 56 |
| #5 | HW Heinzer | 51% | 84 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | HW Heinzer | 4 | 0.0022 |
| #2 | Albert GehtNICHTreinstein | 2 | 0.0021 |
| #3 | patimue | 1 | 0.0008 |
| #4 | wonkru⚡ | 1 | 0.0015 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Frytixx | 235 | 0.11 | 6 min |
| #2 | patimue | 104 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #3 | HW Heinzer | 101 | 0.05 | 3 min |
| #4 | Albert GehtNICHTreinstein | 92 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #5 | wonkru⚡ | 11 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | HW Heinzer | +2.78 | 83 | 55 |
| #2 | Jo | +0.71 | 74 | 72 |
| #3 | patimue | +0.00 | 66 | 57 |
| #4 | wonkru⚡ | -0.64 | 54 | 51 |
| #5 | Frytixx | -1.61 | 31 | 65 |





