








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 199 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 287 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 20 matches | ||
| Faceit | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 60 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




69 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5380 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,945 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5623 | 40% |
| Smokes | 3462 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 2236 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 2624 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $637,119 of utility $66 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 279 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ EL Faze_Jizzlord | 59% | 66 |
| #2 | Ferniie | 58% | 79 |
| #3 | LeoAqua | 52% | 176 |
| #4 | Funkolicious | 50% | 257 |
| #5 | half nut | 50% | 109 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ EL Faze_Jizzlord | 59% | 66 |
| #2 | Ferniie | 58% | 79 |
| #3 | LeoAqua | 52% | 176 |
| #4 | Funkolicious | 50% | 257 |
| #5 | half nut | 50% | 109 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Funkolicious | 30 | 0.0054 |
| #2 | ✪ EL Faze_Jizzlord | 23 | 0.0166 |
| #3 | half nut | 12 | 0.0052 |
| #4 | LeoAqua | 8 | 0.0021 |
| #5 | Ferniie | 3 | 0.0019 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | half nut | 410 | 0.18 | 10 min |
| #2 | Funkolicious | 338 | 0.06 | 10 min |
| #3 | LeoAqua | 336 | 0.09 | 9 min |
| #4 | ✪ EL Faze_Jizzlord | 242 | 0.17 | 6 min |
| #5 | Ferniie | 30 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | shakY. | +2.81 | 84 | 51 |
| #2 | half nut | +0.95 | 66 | 63 |
| #3 | Funkolicious | +0.19 | 59 | 49 |
| #4 | ✪ EL Faze_Jizzlord | +0.17 | 77 | 61 |
| #5 | LeoAqua | -1.02 | 58 | 53 |





