








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 22 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 209 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




21 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1439 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,010 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1033 | 21% |
| Smokes | 2018 | 40% |
| HE Grenades | 1494 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 465 | 9% |
Our logs show you have wasted $481,912 of utility $104 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 8 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ストリクス | 42% | 200 |
| #2 | bort | 41% | 103 |
| #3 | Alyphx | 41% | 27 |
| #4 | DrugFueledChickenMilker | 36% | 160 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ストリクス | 42% | 200 |
| #2 | bort | 41% | 103 |
| #3 | Alyphx | 41% | 27 |
| #4 | DrugFueledChickenMilker | 36% | 160 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ストリクス | 28 | 0.0072 |
| #2 | DrugFueledChickenMilker | 18 | 0.0058 |
| #3 | bort | 11 | 0.0055 |
| #4 | Alyphx | 10 | 0.0201 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ストリクス | 1329 | 0.34 | 31 min |
| #2 | DrugFueledChickenMilker | 356 | 0.11 | 6 min |
| #3 | bort | 275 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| #4 | Alyphx | 152 | 0.31 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bort | +2.59 | 40 | 52 |
| #2 | Alyphx | +0.87 | 66 | 39 |
| #3 | ストリクス | +0.48 | 45 | 62 |
| #4 | CǝnterFire | -2.81 | 39 | 50 |
| #5 | DrugFueledChickenMilker | -3.50 | 31 | 47 |





