








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 227 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 76 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




23 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1276 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,992 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1383 | 46% |
| Smokes | 218 | 7% |
| HE Grenades | 720 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 671 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $434,447 of utility $142 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 52 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | •No I'm Dirty Dan• | 45% | 40 |
| #2 | Mitt3nzz | 43% | 7 |
| #3 | Bungo | 42% | 12 |
| #4 | Ginger_Jesus | 40% | 107 |
| #5 | Princess Diana's Car | 39% | 62 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Ginger_Jesus | 40% | 107 |
| #5 | Princess Diana's Car | 39% | 62 |
| #6 | Crackhead | 27% | 11 |
| #7 | Redacted | 23% | 22 |
| #8 | Ostrich | 0% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ginger_Jesus | 5 | 0.0021 |
| #2 | Princess Diana's Car | 4 | 0.0030 |
| #3 | Ostrich | 3 | 0.0184 |
| #4 | Mitt3nzz | 2 | 0.0120 |
| #5 | •No I'm Dirty Dan• | 1 | 0.0012 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ginger_Jesus | 238 | 0.10 | 6 min |
| #2 | Princess Diana's Car | 99 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #3 | •No I'm Dirty Dan• | 59 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #4 | Crackhead | 54 | 0.20 | 1 min |
| #5 | Bungo | 25 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mitt3nzz | +6.29 | 60 | 59 |
| #2 | Crackhead | +0.23 | 61 | 66 |
| #3 | WHOLELOTTAHEAD | +0.22 | 56 | 50 |
| #4 | Ginger_Jesus | -0.04 | 48 | 58 |
| #5 | Princess Diana's Car | -0.39 | 46 | 46 |





