








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 45 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 399 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 16 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3413 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,750 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1423 | 15% |
| Smokes | 3046 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 2930 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 2351 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,845,068 of utility $188 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PapaBiceps | 52% | 311 |
| #2 | Bob Tschigerillo | 51% | 268 |
| #3 | OneMagWonder | 49% | 359 |
| #4 | tBet | 46% | 26 |
| #5 | Nitrophil♿ | 45% | 102 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PapaBiceps | 52% | 311 |
| #2 | Bob Tschigerillo | 51% | 268 |
| #3 | OneMagWonder | 49% | 359 |
| #4 | tBet | 46% | 26 |
| #5 | Nitrophil♿ | 45% | 102 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | OneMagWonder | 17 | 0.0023 |
| #2 | Bob Tschigerillo | 14 | 0.0025 |
| #3 | Nitrophil♿ | 5 | 0.0023 |
| #4 | PapaBiceps | 2 | 0.0003 |
| #5 | tBet | 1 | 0.0018 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | OneMagWonder | 939 | 0.13 | 21 min |
| #2 | PapaBiceps | 385 | 0.06 | 8 min |
| #3 | Bob Tschigerillo | 229 | 0.04 | 4 min |
| #4 | tBet | 84 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #5 | Nitrophil♿ | 72 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | tBet | +1.22 | 53 | 61 |
| #2 | Khal | +1.11 | 61 | 49 |
| #3 | OneMagWonder | +0.52 | 40 | 68 |
| #4 | Nitrophil♿ | -0.25 | 51 | 55 |
| #5 | PapaBiceps | -0.37 | 59 | 55 |





