








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 429 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Office | 230 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 26 matches | ||
| Premier | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3287 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,357 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2128 | 25% |
| Smokes | 2174 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 2645 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 1410 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $537,903 of utility $94 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 217 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | TERMiT | 50% | 104 |
| #6 | zaleyte mne kayfa | 49% | 45 |
| #7 | [K.A.T.] Kiber Flower â“€.â’». | 46% | 26 |
| #8 | Kosy | 46% | 26 |
| #9 | Maslenok | 35% | 17 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TERMiT | 6 | 0.0030 |
| #2 | 💛💛💛💛 | 6 | 0.0049 |
| #3 | ⸸ Djent ⸸ | 6 | 0.0064 |
| #4 | virus украinа | 6 | 0.0068 |
| #5 | zaleyte mne kayfa | 6 | 0.0069 |





