










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 0 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.

| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 295 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2978 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,654 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1992 | 21% |
| Smokes | 2144 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 2985 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 2533 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,126,592 of utility $152 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 37 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Acid Bath | 47% | 49 |
| #2 | chooch | 45% | 225 |
| #3 | Fuckin MINT | 45% | 51 |
| #4 | Mai Kant | 44% | 25 |
| #5 | ✪ Piper | 30% | 20 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Acid Bath | 47% | 49 |
| #2 | chooch | 45% | 225 |
| #3 | Fuckin MINT | 45% | 51 |
| #4 | Mai Kant | 44% | 25 |
| #5 | ✪ Piper | 30% | 20 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | chooch | 26 | 0.0056 |
| #2 | Fuckin MINT | 6 | 0.0060 |
| #3 | Mai Kant | 2 | 0.0037 |
| #4 | Acid Bath | 1 | 0.0009 |
| #5 | ✪ Piper | 1 | 0.0024 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | chooch | 187 | 0.04 | 4 min |
| #2 | Acid Bath | 105 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #3 | Fuckin MINT | 60 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #4 | Mai Kant | 48 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #5 | ✪ Piper | 36 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mai Kant | +0.33 | 53 | 51 |
| #2 | chooch | -0.22 | 74 | 46 |
| #3 | ✪ Piper | -0.32 | 68 | 59 |
| #4 | Fuckin MINT | -0.35 | 50 | 44 |
| #5 | Acid Bath | -0.66 | 60 | 60 |





