








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 524 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 233 matches | ||
| Wingman | 109 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 29 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




29 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5728 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,096 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3041 | 30% |
| Smokes | 2919 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 2455 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 1681 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,515,161 of utility $148 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 547 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | k1ng | 54% | 28 |
| #2 | Frogfuck | 51% | 369 |
| #3 | Rectal Smegma | 48% | 153 |
| #4 | Jello Biafra | 40% | 40 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | k1ng | 54% | 28 |
| #2 | Frogfuck | 51% | 369 |
| #3 | Rectal Smegma | 48% | 153 |
| #4 | Jello Biafra | 40% | 40 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Frogfuck | 7 | 0.0010 |
| #2 | k1ng | 4 | 0.0070 |
| #3 | Rectal Smegma | 2 | 0.0006 |
| #4 | Jello Biafra | 1 | 0.0012 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Frogfuck | 937 | 0.13 | 24 min |
| #2 | Rectal Smegma | 727 | 0.23 | 20 min |
| #3 | k1ng | 57 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #4 | Jello Biafra | 29 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Rectal Smegma | +3.70 | 81 | 74 |
| #2 | eli | +2.61 | 79 | 53 |
| #3 | Jello Biafra | -0.42 | 62 | 43 |
| #4 | k1ng | -0.58 | 76 | 49 |
| #5 | Frogfuck | -2.66 | 61 | 53 |





