








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 960 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 432 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 31 matches | ||
| Wingman | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 12 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 20 different maps





Our logs show 75 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




46 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7303 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 19,783 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6951 | 35% |
| Smokes | 5413 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 5019 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 2400 | 12% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,337,410 of utility $95 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 347 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gradder | 63% | 48 |
| #2 | SnorlaxO | 49% | 94 |
| #3 | JoestJ | 48% | 82 |
| #4 | SammyP™❄ | 47% | 188 |
| #5 | Cray_z | 44% | 63 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SammyP™❄ | 32 | 0.0082 |
| #2 | ✪ scubadiveR ™ | 12 | 0.0034 |
| #3 | Stoned Mountain Unicorn | 7 | 0.0032 |
| #4 | SnorlaxO | 6 | 0.0031 |
| #5 | Cray_z | 4 | 0.0032 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ scubadiveR ™ | 666 | 0.19 | 14 min |
| #2 | SammyP™❄ | 540 | 0.14 | 9 min |
| #3 | SnorlaxO | 477 | 0.25 | 10 min |
| #4 | Cray_z | 280 | 0.22 | 5 min |
| #5 | Stoned Mountain Unicorn | 274 | 0.13 | 7 min |





