








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 669 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 274 matches | ||
| Premier | 44 matches | ||
| Wingman | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 30 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4480 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 16,132 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3538 | 22% |
| Smokes | 4646 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 4416 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 3532 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,114,514 of utility $133 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 15 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | null | 60% | 35 |
| #2 | Mr Walmart Bag | 53% | 271 |
| #3 | Atom1cAdrin | 51% | 156 |
| #4 | sleepy joe | 48% | 197 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | null | 60% | 35 |
| #2 | Mr Walmart Bag | 53% | 271 |
| #3 | Atom1cAdrin | 51% | 156 |
| #4 | sleepy joe | 48% | 197 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sleepy joe | 10 | 0.0024 |
| #2 | Mr Walmart Bag | 5 | 0.0008 |
| #3 | Atom1cAdrin | 3 | 0.0009 |
| #4 | null | 2 | 0.0026 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mr Walmart Bag | 736 | 0.12 | 14 min |
| #2 | sleepy joe | 639 | 0.15 | 14 min |
| #3 | Atom1cAdrin | 347 | 0.10 | 8 min |
| #4 | null | 104 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | m | +3.46 | 77 | 81 |
| #2 | null | +0.80 | 50 | 57 |
| #3 | Atom1cAdrin | -0.15 | 64 | 63 |
| #4 | sleepy joe | -2.04 | 48 | 59 |
| #5 | Mr Walmart Bag | -2.14 | 37 | 51 |





