








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 97 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 253 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 16 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




16 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2989 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,763 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2368 | 24% |
| Smokes | 2521 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 2737 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 2137 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $955,881 of utility $153 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 108 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | POUPIPOUPIPOUPIPOU | 62% | 26 |
| #2 | Jack's Dice | 59% | 51 |
| #3 | Luffy | 59% | 29 |
| #4 | thesebts | 57% | 28 |
| #5 | hashcagole | 57% | 65 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #14 | Selow | 45% | 33 |
| #15 | isla0903 | 43% | 30 |
| #16 | GrassBiceps | 43% | 28 |
| #17 | Jaguar | 40% | 15 |
| #18 | ♛ Assassin ♛ | 37% | 19 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lilou | 213 | 0.16 | 5 min |
| #2 | hashcagole | 144 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #3 | Chef Michel | 92 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #4 | Balo270 | 88 | 0.21 | 2 min |
| #5 | Helgastt | 85 | 0.05 | 2 min |





