








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 881 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 540 matches | ||
| Wingman | 61 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 58 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 22 different maps





Our logs show 153 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




134 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
8909 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 33,921 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 12753 | 38% |
| Smokes | 9638 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 5844 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 5686 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $980,991 of utility $62 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2211 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DerEselreiter | 50% | 42 |
| #2 | Malony | 49% | 72 |
| #3 | stun. but stoned | 47% | 345 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DerEselreiter | 50% | 42 |
| #2 | Malony | 49% | 72 |
| #3 | stun. but stoned | 47% | 345 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | stun. but stoned | 69 | 0.0102 |
| #2 | Malony | 3 | 0.0021 |
| #3 | DerEselreiter | 2 | 0.0022 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | stun. but stoned | 353 | 0.05 | 7 min |
| #2 | Malony | 181 | 0.12 | 4 min |
| #3 | DerEselreiter | 72 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DerEselreiter | +1.80 | 81 | 61 |
| #2 | 𝙧𝙮𝙪𝙠 | +1.79 | 79 | 61 |
| #3 | Malony | +1.25 | 71 | 67 |
| #4 | stun. but stoned | -1.43 | 78 | 46 |





