










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 0 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.

| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 103 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 65 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
884 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,714 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1726 | 30% |
| Smokes | 2087 | 37% |
| HE Grenades | 1241 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 660 | 12% |
Our logs show you have wasted $704,369 of utility $178 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 207 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Big Man | 35% | 34 |
| #9 | Røyal | 34% | 44 |
| #10 | Barry | 29% | 55 |
| #11 | N8 | 21% | 24 |
| #12 | Chicken Joe | 17% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Røyal | 3 | 0.0032 |
| #2 | Trizzy | 3 | 0.0048 |
| #3 | Barry | 2 | 0.0018 |
| #4 | Snuplis | 2 | 0.0021 |
| #5 | Help | 2 | 0.0042 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Snuplis | 151 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| #2 | Røyal | 71 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #3 | Trizzy | 57 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #4 | Barry | 52 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #5 | Threezus Christ | 43 | 0.08 | 1 min |





