








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1069 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 415 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 15 matches | ||
| Faceit | 14 matches | ||
| Wingman | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 91 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




19 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6307 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 17,013 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4187 | 25% |
| Smokes | 5632 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 3792 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 3402 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,942,406 of utility $250 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 568 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Speedie | 438 | 0.18 | 9 min |
| #2 | ʞsuǝʌS ʇןoʇS | 358 | 0.08 | 9 min |
| #3 | knalls123 | 253 | 0.12 | 6 min |
| #4 | ⛟☺️Leif Öhman☺⛟ | 127 | 0.23 | 3 min |
| #5 | Reactive | 82 | 0.04 | 2 min |





