










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 162 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 65 matches | ||
| Wingman | 49 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
832 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,142 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 345 | 30% |
| Smokes | 134 | 12% |
| HE Grenades | 320 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 343 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $694,375 of utility $257 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 218 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dankidaddy | 64% | 14 |
| #2 | 『 @Saggge 』 | 56% | 34 |
| #3 | Comrade_Pun | 56% | 9 |
| #4 | Nix | 49% | 41 |
| #5 | WHAT Iezntine | 47% | 19 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dankidaddy | 50 | 0.19 | 1 min |
| #2 | 『 @Saggge 』 | 38 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #3 | Schwaggins McGee | 32 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #4 | Nix | 27 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| #5 | Comrade_Pun | 16 | 0.09 | 0 min |





