








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 338 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 99 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1408 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,143 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2011 | 39% |
| Smokes | 688 | 13% |
| HE Grenades | 1382 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 1062 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $590,849 of utility $175 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 703 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | hCAKET | 40% | 99 |
| #9 | BLIG ZIGGY | 38% | 89 |
| #10 | Let's see Paul Allen's knife | 38% | 24 |
| #11 | dova | 34% | 38 |
| #12 | Bork Bork Bork Bork | 22% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | hCAKET | 6 | 0.0029 |
| #2 | BLIG ZIGGY | 4 | 0.0022 |
| #3 | maki | 4 | 0.0031 |
| #4 | El Tigre | 4 | 0.0045 |
| #5 | GeorgeFloyd | 3 | 0.0020 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BLIG ZIGGY | 443 | 0.24 | 10 min |
| #2 | hCAKET | 185 | 0.09 | 5 min |
| #3 | GeorgeFloyd | 183 | 0.12 | 5 min |
| #4 | maki | 172 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #5 | Let's see Paul Allen's knife | 128 | 0.24 | 3 min |





