








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 12 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 43 matches | ||
| Wingman | 16 matches | ||
| Premier | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
713 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,621 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 703 | 27% |
| Smokes | 583 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 766 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 569 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $171,748 of utility $96 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 16 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Uneducated potato | 50% | 56 |
| #2 | Felarx | 49% | 41 |
| #3 | ZykeJackAl | 47% | 38 |
| #4 | yZemp | 45% | 62 |
| #5 | tekjohnny | 43% | 21 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Uneducated potato | 50% | 56 |
| #2 | Felarx | 49% | 41 |
| #3 | ZykeJackAl | 47% | 38 |
| #4 | yZemp | 45% | 62 |
| #5 | tekjohnny | 43% | 21 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ZykeJackAl | 2 | 0.0023 |
| #2 | yZemp | 1 | 0.0007 |
| #3 | Uneducated potato | 1 | 0.0008 |
| #4 | Felarx | 1 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | yZemp | 164 | 0.12 | 5 min |
| #2 | ZykeJackAl | 158 | 0.19 | 3 min |
| #3 | Uneducated potato | 107 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #4 | Felarx | 89 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #5 | tekjohnny | 17 | 0.04 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | yZemp | +1.17 | 72 | 72 |
| #2 | tekjohnny | +0.46 | 79 | 57 |
| #3 | Felarx | +0.40 | 42 | 63 |
| #4 | Andre | -0.21 | 56 | 52 |
| #5 | ZykeJackAl | -0.83 | 61 | 67 |





