








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 594 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 415 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 12 matches | ||
| Wingman | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 12 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




20 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3457 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,819 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1267 | 19% |
| Smokes | 1469 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 2647 | 39% |
| Molotovs | 1436 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $883,643 of utility $85 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1136 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SHORTCUT | 69% | 35 |
| #2 | ReDD | 55% | 73 |
| #3 | Haggled | 54% | 81 |
| #4 | RisK | 52% | 75 |
| #5 | spaghetti | 43% | 37 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | ReDD | 55% | 73 |
| #3 | Haggled | 54% | 81 |
| #4 | RisK | 52% | 75 |
| #5 | spaghetti | 43% | 37 |
| #6 | T-Bear | 38% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ReDD | 4 | 0.0026 |
| #2 | SHORTCUT | 4 | 0.0055 |
| #3 | Haggled | 3 | 0.0018 |
| #4 | RisK | 1 | 0.0006 |
| #5 | spaghetti | 1 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | RisK | 269 | 0.17 | 7 min |
| #2 | Haggled | 237 | 0.14 | 7 min |
| #3 | ReDD | 94 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #4 | spaghetti | 60 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #5 | SHORTCUT | 35 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SHORTCUT | +6.65 | 94 | 42 |
| #2 | RisK | +1.14 | 82 | 58 |
| #3 | ReDD | +0.97 | 64 | 49 |
| #4 | Haggled | +0.30 | 59 | 68 |
| #5 | ozzy^ | +0.11 | 56 | 34 |





