








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 657 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 398 matches | ||
| Wingman | 126 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 95 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 44 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 14 matches | ||
| Faceit | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 20 different maps





Our logs show 42 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




156 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7753 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 26,800 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4859 | 18% |
| Smokes | 8290 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 7333 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 6318 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,720,994 of utility $100 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1133 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sassy m8 | 50% | 216 |
| #2 | Gen kicking machine | 49% | 79 |
| #3 | MV Jalapeno™ | 49% | 76 |
| #4 | hank | 44% | 89 |
| #5 | Clean man Colt | 42% | 78 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sassy m8 | 50% | 216 |
| #2 | Gen kicking machine | 49% | 79 |
| #3 | MV Jalapeno™ | 49% | 76 |
| #4 | hank | 44% | 89 |
| #5 | Clean man Colt | 42% | 78 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Clean man Colt | 10 | 0.0063 |
| #2 | MV Jalapeno™ | 10 | 0.0066 |
| #3 | Sassy m8 | 9 | 0.0021 |
| #4 | hank | 9 | 0.0050 |
| #5 | Gen kicking machine | 1 | 0.0006 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sassy m8 | 351 | 0.08 | 5 min |
| #2 | Gen kicking machine | 256 | 0.16 | 7 min |
| #3 | Clean man Colt | 155 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #4 | MV Jalapeno™ | 118 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #5 | hank | 38 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | skele✞or | +0.97 | 62 | 61 |
| #2 | MV Jalapeno™ | +0.47 | 60 | 59 |
| #3 | Gen kicking machine | +0.41 | 60 | 67 |
| #4 | Sassy m8 | -0.68 | 58 | 38 |
| #5 | Clean man Colt | -1.84 | 26 | 54 |





