








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 638 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 448 matches | ||
| Wingman | 66 matches | ||
| Faceit | 51 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 36 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




31 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5781 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,178 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3688 | 30% |
| Smokes | 1992 | 16% |
| HE Grenades | 3495 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 3003 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,511,183 of utility $197 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 143 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kantholz 44x74x2500 mm | 56% | 39 |
| #2 | Chalkicaktus | 53% | 64 |
| #3 | Michiru | 53% | 74 |
| #4 | Marktleitung | 52% | 135 |
| #5 | Ferb | 47% | 62 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Chalkicaktus | 53% | 64 |
| #3 | Michiru | 53% | 74 |
| #4 | Marktleitung | 52% | 135 |
| #5 | Ferb | 47% | 62 |
| #6 | jolumili | 33% | 39 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kantholz 44x74x2500 mm | 8 | 0.0097 |
| #2 | Ferb | 5 | 0.0038 |
| #3 | Michiru | 4 | 0.0026 |
| #4 | Marktleitung | 3 | 0.0011 |
| #5 | Chalkicaktus | 1 | 0.0008 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Marktleitung | 213 | 0.08 | 5 min |
| #2 | Michiru | 173 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| #3 | Kantholz 44x74x2500 mm | 92 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #4 | Chalkicaktus | 61 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #5 | Ferb | 60 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Michiru | +2.77 | 78 | 74 |
| #2 | Kantholz 44x74x2500 mm | +2.35 | 80 | 70 |
| #3 | Marktleitung | +0.83 | 78 | 56 |
| #4 | Chalkicaktus | +0.69 | 71 | 25 |
| #5 | Kurai | -1.12 | 72 | 47 |





