








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 131 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 206 matches | ||
| Faceit | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




24 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2333 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,216 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2714 | 27% |
| Smokes | 3174 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 2427 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 1901 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $364,547 of utility $65 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 75 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #11 | /lʌʊɾɪs/ | 42% | 33 |
| #12 | Lil Chilly | 39% | 31 |
| #13 | meistars | 37% | 84 |
| #14 | flake | 32% | 25 |
| #15 | KEFIIRS! | 25% | 28 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | flake | 7 | 0.0130 |
| #2 | mstf | 6 | 0.0031 |
| #3 | meistars | 5 | 0.0029 |
| #4 | duckyye | 4 | 0.0048 |
| #5 | /lʌʊɾɪs/ | 4 | 0.0057 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Netro | 225 | 0.15 | 4 min |
| #2 | meistars | 191 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| #3 | Timmy - Buying Skins | 130 | 0.29 | 3 min |
| #4 | N.Ušakovs | 125 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #5 | duckyye | 113 | 0.13 | 2 min |





