










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 456 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 64 matches | ||
| Premier | 40 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 15 matches | ||
| Wingman | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 44 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2100 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,849 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2227 | 23% |
| Smokes | 2422 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 2410 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 2790 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,193,526 of utility $165 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 232 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 🅻🅸🅽🆄🆇 ⌯ Kam | 53% | 36 |
| #2 | Super-J | 51% | 41 |
| #3 | JazzamthePuss | 48% | 56 |
| #4 | Ultra Sonic | 46% | 248 |
| #5 | Feathers McGraw | 45% | 96 |





