








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 506 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 98 matches | ||
| Wingman | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 71 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1445 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,318 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1353 | 25% |
| Smokes | 1417 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 1271 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 1277 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $680,709 of utility $232 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 263 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | .#CornFlakes #Mülltonne | 63% | 8 |
| #2 | eXarto` | 48% | 21 |
| #3 | aRtie_ | 46% | 87 |
| #4 | DefinitivNichtCornFlakes | 43% | 21 |
| #5 | Kapitän zur See | 38% | 34 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | DefinitivNichtCornFlakes | 43% | 21 |
| #5 | Kapitän zur See | 38% | 34 |
| #6 | Braxit | 38% | 16 |
| #7 | ♿ shrimp ♿ | 33% | 9 |
| #8 | Tio | 25% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | aRtie_ | 2 | 0.0011 |
| #2 | Braxit | 2 | 0.0058 |
| #3 | DefinitivNichtCornFlakes | 1 | 0.0022 |
| #4 | eXarto` | 1 | 0.0022 |
| #5 | ♿ shrimp ♿ | 1 | 0.0056 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | aRtie_ | 282 | 0.16 | 7 min |
| #2 | eXarto` | 99 | 0.22 | 3 min |
| #3 | Braxit | 72 | 0.21 | 2 min |
| #4 | DefinitivNichtCornFlakes | 61 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #5 | Kapitän zur See | 59 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ♿ shrimp ♿ | +2.42 | 50 | 51 |
| #2 | .#CornFlakes #Mülltonne | +2.02 | 82 | 67 |
| #3 | DefinitivNichtCornFlakes | +0.73 | 80 | 69 |
| #4 | eXarto` | +0.73 | 69 | 77 |
| #5 | Braxit | +0.63 | 68 | 59 |





