








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 39 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 18 matches | ||
| Premier | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
535 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,552 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1435 | 40% |
| Smokes | 851 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 652 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 614 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $140,167 of utility $83 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1 message into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JRG | 72% | 18 |
| #2 | Humble | 57% | 21 |
| #3 | Brazz | 52% | 27 |
| #4 | Cornelius Hornswoggle | 52% | 33 |
| #5 | baeks o-('-'Q) | 50% | 6 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | Cann0nball | 47% | 19 |
| #10 | TwoTapTim | 40% | 10 |
| #11 | HnC | 38% | 16 |
| #12 | Gooey McLooey | 37% | 30 |
| #13 | Bounty | 33% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Brazz | 101 | 0.19 | 3 min |
| #2 | Cornelius Hornswoggle | 52 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #3 | Humble | 47 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #4 | HnC | 47 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| #5 | JRG | 32 | 0.09 | 1 min |





