








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 10 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 518 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4475 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,667 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 11 | 0% |
| Smokes | 851 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 846 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 959 | 36% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,275,394 of utility $94 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1082 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | priick | 57% | 40 |
| #2 | Bungo | 52% | 73 |
| #3 | gloobert | 50% | 252 |
| #4 | •No I'm Dirty Dan• | 49% | 228 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | priick | 57% | 40 |
| #2 | Bungo | 52% | 73 |
| #3 | gloobert | 50% | 252 |
| #4 | •No I'm Dirty Dan• | 49% | 228 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bungo | 11 | 0.0070 |
| #2 | gloobert | 10 | 0.0019 |
| #3 | •No I'm Dirty Dan• | 6 | 0.0012 |
| #4 | priick | 4 | 0.0048 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | •No I'm Dirty Dan• | 389 | 0.08 | 10 min |
| #2 | gloobert | 183 | 0.03 | 5 min |
| #3 | priick | 101 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #4 | Bungo | 93 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | priick | +1.46 | 69 | 46 |
| #2 | Bungo | +0.58 | 52 | 44 |
| #3 | dumbest pet in show | +0.33 | 49 | 10 |
| #4 | gloobert | -0.17 | 48 | 39 |
| #5 | •No I'm Dirty Dan• | -1.05 | 57 | 51 |





