








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 287 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 277 matches | ||
| Wingman | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 9 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




26 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3554 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,403 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2755 | 29% |
| Smokes | 2568 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 2187 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 1893 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,056,965 of utility $146 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 90 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Salty | 51% | 99 |
| #2 | Jar Jar Dinks | 48% | 62 |
| #3 | Jew | 47% | 75 |
| #4 | TrickableGhost | 46% | 82 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Salty | 51% | 99 |
| #2 | Jar Jar Dinks | 48% | 62 |
| #3 | Jew | 47% | 75 |
| #4 | TrickableGhost | 46% | 82 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TrickableGhost | 8 | 0.0047 |
| #2 | Salty | 5 | 0.0023 |
| #3 | Jew | 5 | 0.0032 |
| #4 | Jar Jar Dinks | 2 | 0.0015 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jew | 322 | 0.21 | 8 min |
| #2 | Salty | 280 | 0.13 | 7 min |
| #3 | TrickableGhost | 238 | 0.14 | 6 min |
| #4 | Jar Jar Dinks | 83 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Motha Bear | +1.66 | 61 | 63 |
| #2 | TrickableGhost | +0.80 | 56 | 55 |
| #3 | Salty | -0.32 | 41 | 57 |
| #4 | Jar Jar Dinks | -0.70 | 50 | 61 |
| #5 | Jew | -2.45 | 31 | 55 |





