








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 10 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 62 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
700 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,407 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 310 | 22% |
| Smokes | 439 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 292 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 366 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $154,464 of utility $78 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SaintFizbin | 53% | 19 |
| #2 | Maldark909 | 48% | 44 |
| #3 | Slate | 33% | 18 |
| #4 | Noodle | 25% | 16 |
| #5 | Spuffs | 0% | 6 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SaintFizbin | 53% | 19 |
| #2 | Maldark909 | 48% | 44 |
| #3 | Slate | 33% | 18 |
| #4 | Noodle | 25% | 16 |
| #5 | Spuffs | 0% | 6 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Maldark909 | 1 | 0.0010 |
| #2 | SaintFizbin | 1 | 0.0025 |
| #3 | Slate | 1 | 0.0026 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Spuffs | 11 | 0.08 | 0 min |
| #2 | Slate | 8 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| #3 | Maldark909 | 4 | 0.00 | 0 min |
| #4 | Noodle | 2 | 0.01 | 0 min |
| #5 | SaintFizbin | 1 | 0.00 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Spuffs | +3.54 | 68 | 58 |
| #2 | Maldark909 | +1.68 | 60 | 17 |
| #3 | Lobo | +0.34 | 51 | 32 |
| #4 | SaintFizbin | -1.28 | 34 | 7 |
| #5 | Noodle | -1.84 | 32 | 34 |





