








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 69 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
876 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,449 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 443 | 18% |
| Smokes | 720 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 670 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 616 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $196,800 of utility $78 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #15 | Only H.S. | 36% | 11 |
| #16 | Inf.™ Honey ♥ | 36% | 42 |
| #17 | Inf.™ -= ΞSPᴏIЯ =- | 33% | 12 |
| #18 | Inf.™ Asu Sushi-Chan | 33% | 15 |
| #19 | Attanos_v2 | 29% | 7 |





