








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 790 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 124 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 61 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 57 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 27 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




19 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4156 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,996 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2477 | 23% |
| Smokes | 2511 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 3662 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 2346 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,155,217 of utility $128 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 510 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Blade | 46% | 186 |
| #7 | moth | 42% | 97 |
| #8 | Goose | 42% | 48 |
| #9 | chwez | 31% | 32 |
| #10 | La MVP :( || Richard B Riddick | 25% | 32 |





