








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 125 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 39 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




17 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
663 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,863 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 491 | 26% |
| Smokes | 523 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 650 | 35% |
| Molotovs | 199 | 11% |
Our logs show you have wasted $285,971 of utility $189 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 22 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | HonBaguette | 49% | 57 |
| #2 | Ryder | 35% | 17 |
| #3 | Zeppeliner | 35% | 40 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | HonBaguette | 49% | 57 |
| #2 | Ryder | 35% | 17 |
| #3 | Zeppeliner | 35% | 40 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | HonBaguette | 10 | 0.0089 |
| #2 | Zeppeliner | 6 | 0.0075 |
| #3 | Ryder | 2 | 0.0053 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zeppeliner | 123 | 0.15 | 3 min |
| #2 | HonBaguette | 61 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #3 | Ryder | 13 | 0.03 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zeppeliner | +1.02 | 47 | 64 |
| #2 | Ryder | +0.75 | 75 | 46 |
| #3 | BoneJone | -0.34 | 53 | 58 |
| #4 | HonBaguette | -2.00 | 28 | 48 |





