










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 28 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 62 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1329 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,003 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 491 | 16% |
| Smokes | 908 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 438 | 15% |
| Molotovs | 1166 | 39% |
Our logs show you have wasted $519,341 of utility $170 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1211 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | GlitterAF | 63% | 16 |
| #2 | < blank > | 61% | 33 |
| #3 | Beluga Whale | 55% | 77 |
| #4 | ʕ•̫͡•ʔ | 51% | 59 |
| #5 | EggSalad | 48% | 21 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | T Beezy | 15 | 0.0201 |
| #2 | EggSalad | 10 | 0.0237 |
| #3 | Beluga Whale | 9 | 0.0057 |
| #4 | ʕ•̫͡•ʔ | 7 | 0.0057 |
| #5 | Toad | 2 | 0.0074 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ʕ•̫͡•ʔ | 97 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #2 | Beluga Whale | 70 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| #3 | EggSalad | 62 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #4 | Toad | 51 | 0.19 | 2 min |
| #5 | T Beezy | 42 | 0.06 | 1 min |





