








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 86 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




0 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Your loyalty is impressive.
368 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 745 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 199 | 27% |
| Smokes | 128 | 17% |
| HE Grenades | 197 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 221 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $326,278 of utility $231 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 166 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Houmi | 79% | 14 |
| #2 | Sally | 73% | 22 |
| #3 | E i n f a c h E i n M e n s c h | 59% | 44 |
| #4 | Lochness | 58% | 19 |
| #5 | Jzeronas | 54% | 13 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lochness | 4 | 0.0104 |
| #2 | E i n f a c h E i n M e n s c h | 2 | 0.0023 |
| #3 | Houmi | 1 | 0.0034 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | E i n f a c h E i n M e n s c h | 55 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #2 | Jzeronas | 40 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| #3 | Lochness | 19 | 0.05 | 0 min |
| #4 | Houmi | 18 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| #5 | Sally | 3 | 0.01 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | E i n f a c h E i n M e n s c h | +4.09 | 27 | 42 |
| #2 | Houmi | +2.23 | 15 | 35 |
| #3 | Lochness | -2.03 | 10 | 40 |
| #4 | SirScheisseLord | -2.26 | 6 | 27 |
| #5 | Jzeronas | -2.92 | 4 | 56 |





