








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 332 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 35 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Premier | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
574 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,878 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 875 | 30% |
| Smokes | 842 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 464 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 697 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $184,637 of utility $131 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 85 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | shadow | 61% | 18 |
| #2 | spider | 59% | 44 |
| #3 | poatan mentality | 57% | 28 |
| #4 | neskk | 56% | 9 |
| #5 | hart | 45% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | spider | 59% | 44 |
| #3 | poatan mentality | 57% | 28 |
| #4 | neskk | 56% | 9 |
| #5 | hart | 45% | 11 |
| #6 | r a t o | 25% | 4 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | neskk | 2 | 0.0109 |
| #2 | spider | 1 | 0.0012 |
| #3 | shadow | 1 | 0.0026 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | spider | 193 | 0.23 | 6 min |
| #2 | poatan mentality | 73 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #3 | shadow | 64 | 0.17 | 2 min |
| #4 | neskk | 37 | 0.20 | 1 min |
| #5 | hart | 23 | 0.10 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | neskk | +3.93 | 90 | 56 |
| #2 | poatan mentality | +3.54 | 94 | 65 |
| #3 | spider | +1.92 | 72 | 72 |
| #4 | randomkrs ♥ | +1.31 | 83 | 63 |
| #5 | shadow | -0.44 | 59 | 63 |





