








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 651 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 152 matches | ||
| Wingman | 111 matches | ||
| Esplay | 14 matches | 1,470 | |
| Faceit | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 20 different maps





Our logs show 38 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




32 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2153 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,443 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3046 | 36% |
| Smokes | 2734 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 1365 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 1298 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $947,510 of utility $155 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 713 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SweMom | 69% | 26 |
| #2 | Mr.Cock | 55% | 64 |
| #3 | Biggie Juke | 51% | 67 |
| #4 | r1chx | 50% | 34 |
| #5 | LixFell | 47% | 168 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Biggie Juke | 252 | 0.17 | 6 min |
| #2 | LixFell | 235 | 0.08 | 5 min |
| #3 | Mr.Cock | 175 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #4 | r1chx | 130 | 0.17 | 3 min |
| #5 | aNiko8 | 120 | 0.18 | 3 min |





