








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 491 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 126 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Faceit | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 13 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2658 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,512 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1518 | 18% |
| Smokes | 2919 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 2285 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 1790 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $902,291 of utility $170 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 162 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Stifmeister | 77% | 22 |
| #2 | Kirjosiipikäpylintu | 61% | 28 |
| #3 | Hypocrite | 58% | 45 |
| #4 | weesaa | 58% | 52 |
| #5 | Jerseus | 54% | 56 |





