








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 111 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 53 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Premier | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 9 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1337 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,712 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 605 | 16% |
| Smokes | 1071 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 964 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 1072 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $318,082 of utility $128 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 20 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | †enzk | 50% | 12 |
| #10 | M3nt4L# | 50% | 22 |
| #11 | Muigel.M | 50% | 24 |
| #12 | ꧁S H | Ͷ Ǝ꧂ | 48% | 46 |
| #13 | d3lic | 41% | 37 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BOWLER | 10 | 0.0218 |
| #2 | ꧁S H | Ͷ Ǝ꧂ | 6 | 0.0061 |
| #3 | Schädlsprenga | 4 | 0.0082 |
| #4 | Muigel.M | 3 | 0.0056 |
| #5 | michi8g | 3 | 0.0099 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BOWLER | 118 | 0.26 | 3 min |
| #2 | ꧁S H | Ͷ Ǝ꧂ | 100 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #3 | d3lic | 87 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #4 | maxel | 79 | 0.40 | 2 min |
| #5 | Muigel.M | 78 | 0.15 | 2 min |





