








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 80 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Faceit | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
420 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,231 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 598 | 49% |
| Smokes | 402 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 118 | 10% |
| Molotovs | 113 | 9% |
Our logs show you have wasted $78,746 of utility $82 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 12 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | THEBELAIRMACHINE | 50% | 4 |
| #2 | justin bieber | 50% | 10 |
| #3 | Rurik | 20% | 5 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | THEBELAIRMACHINE | 50% | 4 |
| #2 | justin bieber | 50% | 10 |
| #3 | Rurik | 20% | 5 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Rurik | 2 | 0.0182 |
| #2 | justin bieber | 1 | 0.0045 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Rurik | 28 | 0.25 | 1 min |
| #2 | justin bieber | 18 | 0.08 | 0 min |
| #3 | THEBELAIRMACHINE | 4 | 0.04 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | justin bieber | +3.13 | 74 | 50 |
| #2 | $GAMBIT$ | -1.00 | 67 | 49 |
| #3 | Rurik | -1.62 | 66 | 53 |
| #4 | THEBELAIRMACHINE | -5.80 | 10 | 15 |





