








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 45 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 218 matches | ||
| Faceit | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




24 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2199 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,899 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2798 | 35% |
| Smokes | 2084 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 1601 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 1416 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $118,678 of utility $21 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 100 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tyrant_EXE | 64% | 14 |
| #2 | RADAR | 60% | 30 |
| #3 | Cedar Creek Employee | 56% | 25 |
| #4 | Chloe Juliet | 52% | 164 |
| #5 | poopy coopy | 51% | 254 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | RADAR | 60% | 30 |
| #3 | Cedar Creek Employee | 56% | 25 |
| #4 | Chloe Juliet | 52% | 164 |
| #5 | poopy coopy | 51% | 254 |
| #6 | SmurfDaddy | 44% | 39 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SmurfDaddy | 15 | 0.0168 |
| #2 | poopy coopy | 11 | 0.0021 |
| #3 | Chloe Juliet | 5 | 0.0015 |
| #4 | Tyrant_EXE | 3 | 0.0107 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | poopy coopy | 982 | 0.19 | 23 min |
| #2 | Cedar Creek Employee | 107 | 0.21 | 2 min |
| #3 | SmurfDaddy | 99 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #4 | Chloe Juliet | 25 | 0.01 | 1 min |
| #5 | Tyrant_EXE | 13 | 0.05 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sea Pickle | +0.87 | 48 | 49 |
| #2 | poopy coopy | +0.87 | 55 | 62 |
| #3 | SmurfDaddy | +0.43 | 56 | 54 |
| #4 | Cedar Creek Employee | -0.45 | 51 | 43 |
| #5 | Tyrant_EXE | -1.46 | 33 | 13 |





