








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 27 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
591 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,862 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 839 | 45% |
| Smokes | 401 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 520 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 102 | 5% |
Our logs show you have wasted $197,784 of utility $117 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cum Towel 印デュ | 70% | 10 |
| #2 | Lil Weeb | 56% | 36 |
| #3 | ★ Xantho | 52% | 46 |
| #4 | fElder | 50% | 8 |
| #5 | EMIR from the embassy | 46% | 24 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cum Towel 印デュ | 70% | 10 |
| #2 | Lil Weeb | 56% | 36 |
| #3 | ★ Xantho | 52% | 46 |
| #4 | fElder | 50% | 8 |
| #5 | EMIR from the embassy | 46% | 24 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ★ Xantho | 2 | 0.0021 |
| #2 | EMIR from the embassy | 2 | 0.0041 |
| #3 | Lil Weeb | 1 | 0.0014 |
| #4 | fElder | 1 | 0.0065 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ★ Xantho | 190 | 0.20 | 4 min |
| #2 | Lil Weeb | 87 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #3 | EMIR from the embassy | 87 | 0.18 | 2 min |
| #4 | Cum Towel 印デュ | 29 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| #5 | fElder | 7 | 0.05 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ★ Xantho | +7.71 | 76 | 71 |
| #2 | Cum Towel 印デュ | +3.11 | 78 | 70 |
| #3 | yes | -1.19 | 39 | 42 |
| #4 | Lil Weeb | -1.46 | 41 | 49 |
| #5 | fElder | -2.15 | 42 | 38 |





