








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 475 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 373 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 38 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 9 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 79 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4185 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,679 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3419 | 29% |
| Smokes | 2541 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 3756 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 1963 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,131,940 of utility $215 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2359 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | captain queef | 56% | 34 |
| #2 | Ads | 50% | 44 |
| #3 | Sherlock | 48% | 42 |
| #4 | TSPOON | 46% | 377 |
| #5 | Joe Roganovic | 43% | 214 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Ads | 50% | 44 |
| #3 | Sherlock | 48% | 42 |
| #4 | TSPOON | 46% | 377 |
| #5 | Joe Roganovic | 43% | 214 |
| #6 | Shinee Magikarp | 39% | 28 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TSPOON | 17 | 0.0021 |
| #2 | Joe Roganovic | 6 | 0.0013 |
| #3 | captain queef | 3 | 0.0041 |
| #4 | Sherlock | 1 | 0.0011 |
| #5 | Shinee Magikarp | 1 | 0.0015 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TSPOON | 3410 | 0.41 | 74 min |
| #2 | Joe Roganovic | 477 | 0.10 | 13 min |
| #3 | Sherlock | 127 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| #4 | Shinee Magikarp | 77 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #5 | Ads | 42 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Shinee Magikarp | +1.98 | 74 | 34 |
| #2 | TSPOON | +1.90 | 69 | 75 |
| #3 | captain queef | -0.24 | 64 | 45 |
| #4 | bEETLe | -0.47 | 55 | 53 |
| #5 | Joe Roganovic | -0.81 | 38 | 62 |





