








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 88 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 76 matches | ||
| Wingman | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 9 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1213 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,031 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1258 | 31% |
| Smokes | 778 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 1167 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 828 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $395,805 of utility $136 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 7 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | pobbel | 56% | 9 |
| #2 | Lille Slambert | 56% | 18 |
| #3 | Gilbert | 48% | 89 |
| #4 | Jagtmand Henrik | 48% | 114 |
| #5 | Comedy Commander | 39% | 69 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Lille Slambert | 56% | 18 |
| #3 | Gilbert | 48% | 89 |
| #4 | Jagtmand Henrik | 48% | 114 |
| #5 | Comedy Commander | 39% | 69 |
| #6 | Jeppeh019 | 38% | 8 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jagtmand Henrik | 21 | 0.0089 |
| #2 | Gilbert | 18 | 0.0095 |
| #3 | Comedy Commander | 3 | 0.0020 |
| #4 | Lille Slambert | 3 | 0.0079 |
| #5 | pobbel | 2 | 0.0110 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jagtmand Henrik | 561 | 0.24 | 12 min |
| #2 | Gilbert | 97 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #3 | pobbel | 30 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| #4 | Comedy Commander | 20 | 0.01 | 1 min |
| #5 | Lille Slambert | 13 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | pobbel | +5.17 | 52 | 64 |
| #2 | Jagtmand Henrik | +1.47 | 79 | 65 |
| #3 | Kaiser Jannik | +0.38 | 59 | 63 |
| #4 | Gilbert | -0.75 | 54 | 50 |
| #5 | Jeppeh019 | -1.09 | 69 | 46 |





