








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 6 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 187 matches | ||
| Premier | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2112 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,391 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3120 | 27% |
| Smokes | 3150 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 2051 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 3070 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $353,330 of utility $64 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | KraftVaffelZ | 83% | 18 |
| #2 | NELLE | 78% | 18 |
| #3 | Veldiz💦💦💦 | 71% | 17 |
| #4 | egem | 69% | 29 |
| #5 | HKN | 69% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #12 | Karlsenn | 57% | 30 |
| #13 | Tørtel | 56% | 16 |
| #14 | ☢JB | 53% | 106 |
| #15 | arakondia | 48% | 21 |
| #16 | Lana Rhodes | 46% | 13 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | gregzter | 1 | 0.0004 |
| #2 | ☢JB | 1 | 0.0004 |
| #3 | s0c | 1 | 0.0012 |
| #4 | Lyng | 1 | 0.0025 |
| #5 | NELLE | 1 | 0.0025 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ☢JB | 418 | 0.18 | 13 min |
| #2 | gregzter | 394 | 0.17 | 15 min |
| #3 | jeenyuhs28 | 214 | 0.13 | 5 min |
| #4 | Karlsenn | 133 | 0.22 | 3 min |
| #5 | egem | 130 | 0.19 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | KraftVaffelZ | +3.45 | 79 | 57 |
| #2 | Tørtel | +1.96 | 73 | 66 |
| #3 | HKN | +1.75 | 83 | 69 |
| #4 | Karlsenn | +1.74 | 56 | 72 |
| #5 | NELLE | +1.37 | 76 | 69 |





