








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1968 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 747 matches | ||
| Faceit | 88 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 75 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 58 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 54 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 47 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 40 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 39 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 86 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




88 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
13270 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 51,902 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 23305 | 45% |
| Smokes | 13242 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 5817 | 11% |
| Molotovs | 9538 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $4,795,474 of utility $180 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 3910 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Ecstatic | 55% | 535 |
| #3 | sliced_salami | 55% | 73 |
| #4 | Taksik | 54% | 330 |
| #5 | Slippi | 53% | 306 |
| #6 | SonnyC | 50% | 153 |





