








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 190 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 151 matches | ||
| Faceit | 56 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1601 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,299 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1678 | 32% |
| Smokes | 1460 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 462 | 9% |
| Molotovs | 1699 | 32% |
Our logs show you have wasted $906,690 of utility $168 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 4 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | minority hunter Guapo | 59% | 58 |
| #2 | W357Y | 55% | 47 |
| #3 | Sexter Morgasm | 54% | 13 |
| #4 | Shroomy | 53% | 133 |
| #5 | Code Zagmania | 49% | 61 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Sexter Morgasm | 54% | 13 |
| #4 | Shroomy | 53% | 133 |
| #5 | Code Zagmania | 49% | 61 |
| #6 | suubyy | 44% | 16 |
| #7 | DAS | 38% | 13 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Code Zagmania | 4 | 0.0032 |
| #2 | suubyy | 3 | 0.0094 |
| #3 | Sexter Morgasm | 3 | 0.0112 |
| #4 | minority hunter Guapo | 2 | 0.0016 |
| #5 | W357Y | 1 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Shroomy | 307 | 0.11 | 9 min |
| #2 | minority hunter Guapo | 110 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #3 | Code Zagmania | 76 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #4 | W357Y | 64 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #5 | DAS | 25 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | suubyy | +4.06 | 83 | 52 |
| #2 | Shroomy | +2.11 | 77 | 56 |
| #3 | W357Y | +1.50 | 67 | 55 |
| #4 | minority hunter Guapo | +1.40 | 82 | 56 |
| #5 | Sexter Morgasm | +0.87 | 69 | 54 |





