








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 900 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 145 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 52 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3172 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,537 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2360 | 43% |
| Smokes | 1018 | 18% |
| HE Grenades | 546 | 10% |
| Molotovs | 1613 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,016,196 of utility $238 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 377 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zavor | 54% | 13 |
| #2 | Zombienumshkin cs.money | 53% | 116 |
| #3 | ThatsMrDew | 49% | 106 |
| #4 | Major Hole | 46% | 104 |
| #5 | hami | 33% | 18 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Zombienumshkin cs.money | 53% | 116 |
| #3 | ThatsMrDew | 49% | 106 |
| #4 | Major Hole | 46% | 104 |
| #5 | hami | 33% | 18 |
| #6 | Uchigatanas | 25% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zombienumshkin cs.money | 17 | 0.0069 |
| #2 | ThatsMrDew | 9 | 0.0041 |
| #3 | Major Hole | 8 | 0.0036 |
| #4 | hami | 3 | 0.0080 |
| #5 | Zavor | 1 | 0.0036 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zombienumshkin cs.money | 804 | 0.33 | 20 min |
| #2 | Major Hole | 291 | 0.13 | 7 min |
| #3 | ThatsMrDew | 271 | 0.12 | 7 min |
| #4 | Uchigatanas | 38 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| #5 | Zavor | 28 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Shocky | +5.05 | 91 | 64 |
| #2 | Zombienumshkin cs.money | -1.32 | 42 | 64 |
| #3 | Major Hole | -1.80 | 61 | 48 |
| #4 | Zavor | -2.08 | 67 | 35 |
| #5 | ThatsMrDew | -3.29 | 28 | 52 |





